"I realize that great boyfriend is not necessarily the best candidate for a husband. I will give myself permision to enjoy companionship without disrespecting or neglecting my children, my health or my personal goals." -Jewel Diamond Taylor What a powerful statement. What really moved me was the comment about enjoying companionship without disrespecting or neglecting my children. I’m a single mom with a pre-teen son and I’ve made the mistake in the past of allowing men that I’ve dated to interact with my child. Ladies, let me tell you this…..if your child’s father is not in the picture, DO NOT ALLOW any male (outside of family and even some of those you may need to check) to interact with them unless you know without a shadow of a doubt that this brother will be around for a while and I mean awhile in positive manner. Not some random booty call. And I will touch on the booty call later in my tirade. *smile* All jokes aside, having that significant other should not come at the risk of your children suffering some serious psychological issues such as neglect and abandonment. I know this dude and in my conversations with him, it seems to me as if he preys on single moms especially ones with sons. Now I know prey is a strong word and I know that in this day and age, a number of single women have children but his behavior leads me to believe that prey is a good word to describe his modis operandi. He’s been involved with several women in his past and some currently that have children, primarily sons and he’s going to basketball games, and football games, and heck, he was on the school call list for one woman’s child. And in most cases, he was not in a serious relationship with any of them. Well, at least on his end he wasn’t. “They are just friends of mine.” Ain’t no telling what the women were feeling. Well anyhoo, he shared with me that he was going to a basketball game to see his friend's son play this weekend. Mind you, a friend he has only known for a short period of time. A friend he actually admitted to being a “benefit friend” after I called him on his mess when he told me he had a new friend. Yet, here he was going to see the little tyke play in his basketball league. And I know for a fact that he’s been in the presence of this six year old boy already. And let me not forget to mention the nine year old son of another “friend” of his he spends a lot of time with. Or used to. And this particular little boy, he was quite “active” in his life for a minute. Now the little boy has to get used to male other than his father abandoning him. It's stuff like that that upsets me. The child has nothing to do with it but because folks want to be selfish, the child suffers. It's a very vicious cycle. So I asked this brother several questions. Question number one: “If you aren’t serious about this woman and you have admitted that she is a friend with benefits why are you accepting invitations to spend time at events with her and her son? Don’t you realize the impression you are giving off? He responded: “It’s not like that. She asked and I saw nothing wrong with it.” Of course he didn’t find anything wrong with it. Knucklehead. Oh my bad, I digress. I’m calm. My second question: “Okay then if you ain’t serious about this female, what are you vying to be? The Single Mom’s Best Friend?” He wondered why I asked him this and I stated that unless you have reached a certain level of importance in woman’s life, you shouldn’t be accepting invitations to go to their kids’ events nor should you be spending so much time with the kids especially if you know that it ain’t going any further than friends with benefits. Of course, he and I didn’t see eye to eye on this but ladies, I’m here to tell you: if you are not at the courting stage (and no courting is not outdated), than stop allowing every Pookie, Ray Ray and June Bug, to hang around your kids. Get hip to the game. Men can smell desperation a mile away and too often as single mothers, we do get lonely and would like companionship and that could cloud our judgment. Especially if the brothers are OHHHH SOOOO NICE to our children. Stop making every man you meet a pseudo-daddy to your kids. Not only are you messing yourself up, you are messing your kids up. What happens when Ray Ray stops coming around? Your children will have to go through abandonment issues all over again especially if their biological father is not stepping up to the plate and handling his responsibility. Plus, if you have been lonely for some time and you finally get this brother who is all up in your face telling you everything you want to hear, you might get so caught up that you forget about the kids. Then neglect comes into the picture. Is it worth taking your kids through this drama? No. Remember whenever you find yourself in potential relationship, you must also consider your children and how it will affect them. It’s not all about you. It stopped being all about you when you became a mother and it will last until they become adults. So to my single mothers, be vigilant and protect your kids from your relationships. It’s not necessary to introduce them to everyone. Not unless you have peace in your heart and mind that this male will be around in a positive way. If you know a brother is around for booty call purposes (which ain’t cool and you deserve better than that), he should never ever be around your kids. And lets not play dumb. We know when we are just a booty call to a brother. Only time you spend time with him is after 10 and you are on your back. Need I say more? And to my brothers out there who think it’s okay to “shoplift the coochie from a single mother” (Jerry McGuire), you best check yourself. If it’s part of your game to get to a woman through her children, you are just plain dirty. Stop being so selfish and thinking about yourself because in the end, you will reap what you sow.

Beyond the Block In recent weeks, the Washington, DC area has been a pit of subversive behavior. And if you don’t know what that means, it means that DC has been a hot place for crime. What’s sad about this crime streak is that the perpetrators are young. From kidnapping other children to rob banks, to random acts of violence that stem from carjacking to murder, our young people are allowing themselves to get sucked up into this vicious crime cycle with their only end to this cycle is either jail or the grave. As I sit with close sister friends of mine, contemplating this rising epidemic of young Bonnies and Clydes in this new Wild West, we ponder on the reasons why these children are compelled to commit such heinous crimes. Could it be the media’s fault? No, that’s not it although they play a part indirectly. How about the entertainer’s fault? No, not really although they play a part indirectly. So what is it? Well, in my opinion, all issues start at home. That’s right I said it. Let’s take a look at where these children are coming from. Now, I know that the family dynamics have changed a great deal in the past several decades but how long will we use the “single parent” argument as a crutch? I’m a single parent and I know my child is not always an angel but I know that he has the right foundation and he knows right from wrong. So what makes him different than any other kid being raised by a single parent? Here is the key: I’ve made an effort to show my son life beyond the block we live on. We are our child’s first teacher. Granted, the teachers within the school are paid to educate our children but they are the second line of defense. It is our responsibility as parents to mold our children to become PRODUCTIVE citizens within society. Okay, say that with me again……PRODUCTIVE citizens. This means that we are to show our children that there is life beyond the NBA slam dunk competition and Lil’ Jon running around like he has lost his ding dang mind. Instead of pushing our children on the playing field how about pushing them on the thinking field? Instead of making sure your child has the latest fashion how about ensuring that your child knows who August Wilson is? And if you don’t know who August Wilson is, why not take this as an opportunity to not only learn yourself but see this as an opportunity to bond with your child while you both learn these things together. It saddens me to see our children go through life with a mentality that they have nothing to lose therefore they have no remorse when it comes to living a life of crime. What saddens me even more is to see the parents of these children not laying a foundation for their kids. Be a guide to your children. Guide them past the corner of their block. Let them know that there is another side to what they see everyday. Parents, I beg you to take heed to this advice for your children. Their life is dependent upon it.

Pick and Choose Christianity Okay, this has been a long time coming however I feel compelled to write about this now for several reasons. Reason number one: On December 25th, Christians will celebrate the birth of the Messiah, Jesus Christ. Reason number two: Recently I have had conversations with several people about the behaviors of those who call themselves Christians and I have been asked to explain why they act in that way or operate in what I call the "Pick and Choose Christianity" concept. First, let me say that I believe that at some point in our Christian walks we have exercised in this concept of picking and choosing what principles of the Bible we will apply to our lives. And nine times out of ten, those principles are the ones that we know we will have 100% success in. However, we must be mindful that when we proclaim to be Christians, the world holds us to a set of expectations. Although everyone is not a Christian, most people know the standards of the Bible. What does this mean? This means that as Christians, you can't choose whom you will be nice and pleasant to. The Bible says we are to walk in love at all times regardless of whether we feel like it or not. This means as Christians, you can't profess freedom yet you keep others in bondage with your selfish ways and motives. It's not about your agenda but God's agenda. This means as Christians, you either walk by all the principles or none of them at all. We are to follow all of God's commandments, not some of them. It's that simple. Granted, don't get me wrong, sometimes the Christian walk can be hard yet remember, if you stay mindful about walking in the Spirit as opposed to the flesh, these things become easier. I admit, I'm guilty of it as well. I know that I've picked and chose as well however I've come to a realization that my witness to the goodness of God is ineffective when I operate in this concept. People are going to hell all around me and some are happily going because they have encountered too many counterfeit Christians. Why should they accept Christ if Christians act as bad or worse than those in the world? So if you happen to be a Christian who operates in the the Pick and Choose concept, here is an option for you: pick to be a true and genuine Christian and choose to walk in it daily. May God continue to bless you and I'm out!! LP

Stuck on Stupid Okay, I would be the first to say that I am proud of my heritage. I come from a long line of proud African-Americans with some Native Indian thrown in as well some of European descent. And I will do everything to preserve and display that pride in my people and for my people. However, I draw the line when I hear about Lil’ Kim having a farewell party prior to her serving time for perjury. Yeah, that’s right, you heard me correctly. She had a farewell party. That’s when I have to say, “I am not claiming Lil Kim as one of my people.” I know it’s harsh but I can’t do it. Correct me if I’m wrong but I thought farewell parties are typically given to send someone off to the next higher level in their life (i.e. school, better job, or moving on up to the East Side to a deluxe apartment in the sky.) I’m sorry, I digress. Yet, here is a “celebrity” and I do use that term loosely who is surrounded by other “famous” people glorifying the fact that she is going to jail. All are posing for the camera, dancing, and living it up as if they don’t have a care in the world. I still shake my head at the pure lunacy of it all. As much as I try to understand my people, the more I realize that some things were not meant to be understood. I guess Forest Gump was right. “Stupid is as stupid does.”

Modern day lynch mob Yesterday, I witnessed such an event that when I think about it now I don’t know what emotion reigns supreme. Utter sadness or extreme rage. Where I reside, there is a large amount of children that tend to gather around. While conversing with my neighbor at my dining room table (yes, that still happens in this day and age but that’s another topic for another day), we were silenced by the commotion that was taking place outside of my door. It sounded like a rush of buffalo going up the stairs. So of course, we knew at that point that whatever was going on wasn’t good. She and I proceed to open the door and the spectacle that was taking place before our eyes blew me away. A group of boys had chased another boy up the stairs of our building and as he knocked on various doors for assistance, they proceed to take shots at him. Luckily, the building I reside in consists of a generation of “old-school mamas” who don’t play that. I was saddened to see that in the midst of this mayhem, the boy that was being assaulted was the son of a former neighbor of ours. Now mind you, the doors to each building should lock but it so happened that our door was open. And it’s by the grace of God that on this particular day it was. He knew the adults in the building. He knew that if he could get to one of us he would be safe. We drew him in a protective circle and advised him to call his mother while we handle the on-lookers. While figuring out what had transpired, we couldn’t phantom why so many children could jump on another child, knowing he was defenseless against this modern day lynch mob. To make matters worse, this lynch mob had an audience cheering them on. This audience included grown men who instead of trying to stop the assault, they sat around and encouraged those that were rendering the assault, words of instruction on what to do. Is this what we have come to as a people? Cheering and encouraging while our kids are fighting one another as opposed to mediating and helping them resolve their differences in a peaceful manner. Have we evolved into the lynch mobs of old, when we were hunted down like animals by the cowards of the night, while hiding behind there masks, pulled our people from their beds, and hanged them for no reason at all, while a crowd stood around a cheered them on? I ask you, is this what has become of us? I pray that it hasn’t but this episode and many more like them, it makes me wonder.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005 This is my first blog so please bear with me as I get used to this. I titled it "A Change Must Come" because for real, a change must take place. So I look forward to hearing what you have to say pertaining to the topics I will post on a weekly basis. So welcome to my blog. I look forward to conversing with you.