"I realize that great boyfriend is not necessarily the best candidate for a husband. I will give myself permision to enjoy companionship without disrespecting or neglecting my children, my health or my personal goals." -Jewel Diamond Taylor What a powerful statement. What really moved me was the comment about enjoying companionship without disrespecting or neglecting my children. I’m a single mom with a pre-teen son and I’ve made the mistake in the past of allowing men that I’ve dated to interact with my child. Ladies, let me tell you this…..if your child’s father is not in the picture, DO NOT ALLOW any male (outside of family and even some of those you may need to check) to interact with them unless you know without a shadow of a doubt that this brother will be around for a while and I mean awhile in positive manner. Not some random booty call. And I will touch on the booty call later in my tirade. *smile* All jokes aside, having that significant other should not come at the risk of your children suffering some serious psychological issues such as neglect and abandonment. I know this dude and in my conversations with him, it seems to me as if he preys on single moms especially ones with sons. Now I know prey is a strong word and I know that in this day and age, a number of single women have children but his behavior leads me to believe that prey is a good word to describe his modis operandi. He’s been involved with several women in his past and some currently that have children, primarily sons and he’s going to basketball games, and football games, and heck, he was on the school call list for one woman’s child. And in most cases, he was not in a serious relationship with any of them. Well, at least on his end he wasn’t. “They are just friends of mine.” Ain’t no telling what the women were feeling. Well anyhoo, he shared with me that he was going to a basketball game to see his friend's son play this weekend. Mind you, a friend he has only known for a short period of time. A friend he actually admitted to being a “benefit friend” after I called him on his mess when he told me he had a new friend. Yet, here he was going to see the little tyke play in his basketball league. And I know for a fact that he’s been in the presence of this six year old boy already. And let me not forget to mention the nine year old son of another “friend” of his he spends a lot of time with. Or used to. And this particular little boy, he was quite “active” in his life for a minute. Now the little boy has to get used to male other than his father abandoning him. It's stuff like that that upsets me. The child has nothing to do with it but because folks want to be selfish, the child suffers. It's a very vicious cycle. So I asked this brother several questions. Question number one: “If you aren’t serious about this woman and you have admitted that she is a friend with benefits why are you accepting invitations to spend time at events with her and her son? Don’t you realize the impression you are giving off? He responded: “It’s not like that. She asked and I saw nothing wrong with it.” Of course he didn’t find anything wrong with it. Knucklehead. Oh my bad, I digress. I’m calm. My second question: “Okay then if you ain’t serious about this female, what are you vying to be? The Single Mom’s Best Friend?” He wondered why I asked him this and I stated that unless you have reached a certain level of importance in woman’s life, you shouldn’t be accepting invitations to go to their kids’ events nor should you be spending so much time with the kids especially if you know that it ain’t going any further than friends with benefits. Of course, he and I didn’t see eye to eye on this but ladies, I’m here to tell you: if you are not at the courting stage (and no courting is not outdated), than stop allowing every Pookie, Ray Ray and June Bug, to hang around your kids. Get hip to the game. Men can smell desperation a mile away and too often as single mothers, we do get lonely and would like companionship and that could cloud our judgment. Especially if the brothers are OHHHH SOOOO NICE to our children. Stop making every man you meet a pseudo-daddy to your kids. Not only are you messing yourself up, you are messing your kids up. What happens when Ray Ray stops coming around? Your children will have to go through abandonment issues all over again especially if their biological father is not stepping up to the plate and handling his responsibility. Plus, if you have been lonely for some time and you finally get this brother who is all up in your face telling you everything you want to hear, you might get so caught up that you forget about the kids. Then neglect comes into the picture. Is it worth taking your kids through this drama? No. Remember whenever you find yourself in potential relationship, you must also consider your children and how it will affect them. It’s not all about you. It stopped being all about you when you became a mother and it will last until they become adults. So to my single mothers, be vigilant and protect your kids from your relationships. It’s not necessary to introduce them to everyone. Not unless you have peace in your heart and mind that this male will be around in a positive way. If you know a brother is around for booty call purposes (which ain’t cool and you deserve better than that), he should never ever be around your kids. And lets not play dumb. We know when we are just a booty call to a brother. Only time you spend time with him is after 10 and you are on your back. Need I say more? And to my brothers out there who think it’s okay to “shoplift the coochie from a single mother” (Jerry McGuire), you best check yourself. If it’s part of your game to get to a woman through her children, you are just plain dirty. Stop being so selfish and thinking about yourself because in the end, you will reap what you sow.